Sweet Lessons

So, I'm diabetic.  Type 2.  And it sucks.

I've prayed many times that I would grow to be an inspiration for someone else in the way I handled this disease.  Prayed that I might be able to minister to others and share my experiences and...well...I'm not sure that is ever going to happen. 

I was diagnosed about 7 years ago.  All the classic symptoms, a strong family history of diabetes on both sides and a poor eating lifestyle were "diagnosed" as type 2 diabetes by my doctor.  Actually, she just gave me some pills and said "you're diabetic".  That was it. No more tests, no education, just nothing.

So for a few years I just took a pill and ate what I wanted and never got things under control.  I didn't test.  I didn't care. 

Fast forward a few years.  I've lost 150 pounds, had a baby while taking lots of insulin, been in the hospital for ketoacidosis, found an endocrinologist and now take 4 shots a day and a lot of pills.  This week I went back to see him for a regular check-up.  He was pleased that my A1C was down and gave me some advice about getting over a tooth abscess that has threatened to consume was sanity I had left. 

BUT...he's given me another pill.  Another.

*sigh*

So, am I a reeeeally bad diabetic?  It seems that I take a ton of medicine or am I just seeing a really great doctor who wants to try many avenues to keep my sweet, sweet blood sugar under control?  Hmmm.

Lessons in Walking Away

I'm tired.  I'm tired of working two jobs.  I'm tired of being the only one that enforces.  I'm tired of being the only one that calls, that washes, that reminds, that lists, that sets goals, that plans, that gives a hoot.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of feeling overworked and under appreciated.  I'm tired of having to always be the bad cop.  I'm tired of never getting be the gentle, compassionate one.  I'm tired of feeling lonely even when I'm not alone.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of asking, of practically begging, of needing and getting nothing.  I'm tired of disappointment.  I'm tired of handling things, fixing things and making things happen.

I'm tired.

For the last couple of days I've been out of town.  I was a guest lecturer at a college on the other side of the state.  While I was there I did a great deal of shopping.  At one of the stores, the sales manager helped me make a few choices.  I came back about an hour later because I had the correct size for something I was looking at earlier.

He was a friendly guy.  We had a lot in common.  I stayed and talked to him for almost an hour.  It didn't feel like an hour.  We talked about our families and our churches, about kids, about sex, about high school, about crazy people...and as we talked I realized how attracted I was to him.

Unless my flirt-o-meter is broken, he was into me too.  Anyway to make a long story short, he invited me to help him in the back.

I knew what he meant and for just a second, for a miniscule part of my life, I considered it.  Why?  Because I'm tired.  And because he noticed me.  And because I've been so busy for a while that I just feel lonely.  And because I've never done anything like that in my life.  And...well...just because.

But it was just for a couple of seconds.  I politely declined and then I walked away.

So what am I taking away from this experience?  Perspective.

Oh...and that some things have to be special ordered no matter how many stores you look in.

Lessons from a Non-Reader

Fine.  I'll admit it.  I don't read books.

Well, not many anyway.  My husband is a big reader.  He CONSUMES books.  Several a week.  Even when he worked outside the home he read tons!

Me? *shrugging*  Not so much.  Sometime in college reading became a chore.  In the last couple of years I've read more.  I enjoy it I guess.  I just always choose some other way to burn down the hours. :-)

A couple of friends are hosting a 25 Book Challenge.  Read 25 books in 2014.  That's about 2 a month.  That's pretty ambitious for me.

Now, if I could count the tons of children's literature I use in my classroom I would be finished in a few weeks.  But nooOOOoOoOoOo....grown up or young adult literature.  It's fine.  I should read more.  I hear that it helps prevent Alzheimer's and I'm totally freaked out that I'll get that (or already have it) or something.

So...what should I read?  I like science fiction, some.  I used to read TONS of romance novels (in high school and college).  I love self help books.  Is that weird?

I think I'll start with a trashy novel, then maybe something inspirational by Beth Moore, maybe an old classic.  Don't worry.  I'll post a list here eventually. :-)

I know, you can't wait, right?